such fun

Separation anxiety is a developmental stage during which the child experiences anxiety when separated from the primary caregiver (usually the mother). From 8 - 14 months, children often become frightened when they meet new people or visit new places. They recognize their parents as familiar and safe. When separated from their parents, particularly when away from home, they feel threatened and unsafe. Separation anxiety is a normal developmental stage. It helped keep our ancestors alive and helps children learn how to master their environment. It usually ends when the child is around 2 years old. At this age, toddlers begin to understand that parents may be out of sight now, but will return later. There is also a normal desire to test their independence.

However, separation anxiety may return during periods of stress manifesting in:

·           Excessive distress when separated from the primary caregiver (Ellie & Lottie)

·           Reluctance to go to school or other places because of fear of separation (Lottie)

·           Reluctance to go to sleep without the primary caregiver nearby (Ellie until age 6, Lottie to date)

·           Worry about losing or harm coming to the primary caregiver (Ellie)

When separation anxiety occurs in adolescence, it may signal the development of an anxiety disorder (if this is true then they’d just be following the family legacy!)

For older children who have not outgrown separation anxiety within the normal developmental timetable or who have regressed to it under stress, effective treatments may include:

·           Anti-anxiety medications

·           Counselling for the parents and child

·           Family therapy

·           Individual psychotherapy

To get over separation anxiety, children must:

·           Trust people other than their parents (and this is the big problem: when you have had ‘friends’ like mine who drunk drove with my child in their car, my child telling me that my ‘friend’ hit them, a ‘friend’ making up a pack of lies to social services about me etc etc; I do not trust anyone to care for my children)

·           Trust that their parents will return

THIS IS WHAT CAME OUT OF OUR VISIT TO CAMHS, AS A RESULT OF HAVING NO NETWORK SUPPORT, MY KIDS ARE HANGING ON TO ME FOR DEAR LIFE!

our therapist says we have a lovely family group and it's apparent that we all have a very strong bond and there is lots of love but we need to become independent of each other

so we have been set tasks: 

Ellie to go out for just 5/10 mins daily on her own, Lottie: to sleep on her own, Mummy: to go out for 15mins without children daily

it all starts today (such fun)